방선생 글 선배님들의 글을 읽고, 왜 많은 서울의대 동문들이 미국에 왔으며 ,우리의 친구 동료 들중의 한 반은 한국에 남아 있었는가생각 해 보았읍니다. 오늘날 의 한국의 발전상을 보면 놀라운 점도 많고 뿌듯한 점도 많지만, 아직도 불합리, 부패,전근대적 현상,사고 방식이 여기 저기 눈에 띄지요.지난 1-2 년 사이에 신문에 난 사건들 만 보아도, 수도 없지요.이곳에는 우리가 잘 모르는 요소와 관습 등이 있지만, 이러한 불합리들을 자기 성찰과 노력으로 고치기 보다는"관행과 관습이라는" 합리화, 한국이 기적적 성장과 민주화를 이루었다는 자위로, 눈을 감고 그냥 지나가려는 것을 볼때 좀 답답하고 걱정 스럽습니다.

조동문의 글 재미있게 보았습니다. 어느 문장에서도 틀린 말씀이 하나도 없습니다. 그러나 왠지 지금 한국의 문제가 박정희때문이 아닌가 하는 뉴앙스를 풍기는 것은 저 혼자만의 생각일까요? Monday morning quarterback이라는 미국만의 참으로 흥미 있는 말은 엄청난 의미를 함축한 제가 좋아하는 말입니다. 박정희씨는 분명 무력혁명을 했고, 그 밑의 많은 인간들이 나쁜짓을 했습니다. 저의 아버님도 박정희씨의 무력혁명의 피해자중 한명입니다. 제가 미국에 온 이유도 아버님이 직장을 잃었기 때문이죠. 그러나 박정희씨를 나무랄 생각은 없습니다. 박정희씨 다음으로 정권을 잡은 분들 그 누구도 조동문이 이야기하는 부정, 부패, 전근대적 현상을 해결하지 못하였고, 오히려 박정희정권의 모든 나쁜 짓을 다 따라 했습니다. 김대중씨, 김영삼씨 두분-민주투사는 박정희씨의 모든. 업적을 반대했으면 서도 그 주위의 사람들(아들들 포함)은 부정을 했지요.
지금 우리는(난 미국사람이지만) 과거에 누가 잘 못했다고 나무라는 것 보다는, 앞으로 어떻게 잘 할 까, 누가 일을 잘 할수 있을까, 어떻게 하면 진정한 민주주의를 할 수 있을가를 생각 할 때라고 생각합니다. 왜 미국에 왔는가를 쓰신 방동문은 이러한 논쟁을 염두에 두고 쓴 것이 아니라고 생각됩니다만, 허,허.

박정희 시대  후의 군사정권도, 김영삼, 김대중 시대도 진정한 민주주의나 자본주의를
대한민국에 정착 시켰다고 하기에는 부족.....앞으로 얼마나 시간이 필요할런지??.

역사를 돌아보는 것이나 , Monday morning quarter back 이나, 자기 성찰의 과정이나 다 비슷한 이야기이겠지요..
앞으로 잘할수 있을까, 어떻게 하면 진정한 민주주의를  할 수 있을까하는  하는 생각의 과정이겠지요.

그러기 위해서는 제도적 개혁 보다  인간 기본의 윤리성/시민 정신 의 회복이 중요하다고 봅니다.

그렇지 못하면 자유경제,민주주의, 사회주의, 공산주의 모든 제도도,  한 종류의 돼지들에서 다른 종류의 돼지들로
지배계층이 바뀌기만 하는 인류역사의 비극이 되겠지요,
Adam Smith, Max Weber, George Orwell 등이 암시 했던것이 비슷한 이야기/인류의 미래에 대한 걱정이 아니었을까
아마츄어로써 생각해 봅니다.

Thank you for the good article of yours, Dr. Choh.

自意였건, 他意였건, 또는 무슨 이유에서였건,
일찍 고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게 날아다니는 "풀씨"의 운명에 대한 귀하의 sentiment에 동감을 느낌니다.
우리 모두 그런 운명을 타고나서 그대로 딸아다니며 살았던 모양이지요.
미국에 처음왔을때 특히 그렇게 느꼈지만, 점차 시간이 지나고 자리가 잡혀지면서부터
그런 감정이 서서히 사라지기 시작했고, 지금은 이땅의 당당한 주인처럼 느껴질때가 많지요.
즉, 그것이 바로 풀씨가 떨어진곳을 과감하게 고향으로 삼고 택해버린 우리가 아닐까 생각하지요.

그러고 보니 이제는 그냥 아무데나 떨어진 곳에서 보다는, 내가 떨어지고 싶은곳에 떨어져서
잘 살고 싶은 능력을 갖춘듯합니다.
For most of us, we are no longer "풀씨의 운명"을 지니지 않아도 될것 같습니다.
그 운명의 장난에 흔들리지 말고 살수있지 않을가 생각해봅니다.
우리는 드디어 "미국에 왜 왔는가"의 의미를 발견하고 그 옛날 운명적인 결정의 보람을 이제 찾은것이 아닐까 합니다.
그러면서 풀씨의 운명을 극복한것이 아닐런지.....

Let the sorrow, loneliness, and uncertainty be the things of the past,
and enjoy the sunshine in our new home !!

나는 우리 동문 단체회원이 바람에 날리다가 떨어진 풀씨로 표현한 게 부적절하다고 믿습니다. 우리 모두 Postgraduate education을 받기 위하여 교육을 받은 후 귀국해서 의료행위를 시작하는 것보다, 5년간 교육받았던 미국에서 우리의 Professional opportunity를 찾는게 유리하다는 판단하에, President Nixon정부에서 우리를 exchange visitors' status에서 합법적으로 Immigrant visa를 신청하도록 법안을 제정하여서, 우리 모두 합법적으로 이민비자에서 시민권을 받은 의사들입니다. 그러니 다른 한국인처럼 직장을 처음으로 구하거나, 상점, 세탁소, Gas station같은 직업을 만들어서 살아 온 사람들이 아니며, 부가하자면 우리 2세들은 거의 예외없이 좋은 대학교육을 받았고 또 좋은 직장서 가졌으며, 이제는 3대가 다시 일어나는 계기이며, 우리 후세에 낙관을 하고 있지요. 누구나 마찬가지로 그동안 애로가 없지 않았지만, 잘 극복한 동문에게 자긍심을 갖고 있습니다.

이 시를 인용한것은 어디에 정착한 사람 들을 특정해서 인용 한것은 아닙니다.' 이시는 스님의 자식으로 태어난 한 시인이(지금은 고인이 된) 어디에서 태어나 어디에 살던지 관계없다는 시인의 뜻, 모든 인간의 삶을 불자의 눈으로, 부처님의 눈으로 관조하는 시로 이해 하고 인용한것입니다.

Dr. 조:
얼마전에 올렸던 백낙천의 비파행에서, 다음과 같이 읊은 구절이 있습니다. 똑같은 의미는 아니지만, 비슷한 표현이 있어서 다시 여기에 올리지요.
[唐詩]琵琶行(비파행): 비파의 노래
同是天涯淪落人, 相逢何必曾相識.
동시천애윤락인이, 상”렷逑恪寸澯캅

How interesting to hear the most popular sentiment among Korean community '--- 일찍 고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게 날아다니는---'! I understand it is a main theme especially for Koreans here in the U.S. who devote their whole activity through Korean Church if I perceive correctly. Well, I don't go to Korean church, and indeed I have never sought so that I might misunderstand the  nuance of such sentiment. But when I heard such lament first, I was so baffled with such sad(?) notion in regard to their '고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게', wondering whether they were forced to come to the U.S. like African slaves. It certainly sounds like anyone get barred to go back to Korea against their own wills.  

 

I might be too ignorant but I have quite a mixed feeling whenever I hear such sentiment, wondering why they do not reach out other Americans to enjoy the living together in American way instead of  keep wailing for the loneliness. It is their own choice to live here in the U.S. and then why not 'do in Rome as Romans do'?! Korean culture? custom?  Perhaps!!!!!

 

Because, alarmingly, I reckon such mentality/sentiment seems to inherit(?)/pass down to their off springs to give a significant impact to their second generation with self imposed limitation in their caliber/activity. Especially among Korean American surgeons of second generation in my specialty (vascular surgery) I perceived in comparison to other Asians including Philippinos.

 

Indeed, when I moved back to Georgetown Univ from the Hopkins soon after I came back from Korea in 2004, I was allowed to select one young vascular surgeon to give an on the job training on vascular malformation and lymphedema to succeed the program as my protégé later. He is an American born Philippino so that I had an ample chance to learn about the second generation of other Asian origin. More I looked into this cultural background, more I amazed  how much it would give an impact on their activity and human relationship with their colleagues which is so crucial for the promotion to tenure position/associate professor.

 

Sadly I learned such cultural background gave a negative impact to the career on two excellent Korean American surgeons from the second generation in my specialty while strangely Chinese as well as Japanese were NOT (I served as their references for their promotion at the universities). So this interesting notion '고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게' reminds me of  my concern on too much Korean flavor/custom passed down during upbringing of their off springs and rather wish to encourage them to do in Rome as other Romans do.

 

BB Lee '63

P.S. BTW, I am a (lousy) Catholic belonging to our neighborhood parochial church and sent all my kids to our parochial school- the youngest one went all the way through the high school from the kindergarden!- and never felt a need(?) for Korean church, etc, etc.

 

이 선배님:
회의에 잘 다녀 오셨습니까? 항상 생각에 있는 말씀 거리낌 없이 하시니 저에겐 읽기 좋습니다. 방동문의 글을 읽었을때 어떤 분은poignant한 기분으로 답한 분도 있는 것 같고, 어떤 분은 진솔하게 생각하신 분도 있는 것 처럼 보이고, 저는 뒤죽박죽 엉뚱한 말도 했습니다. 그러나 선배님이 지적하신 것같이, 많은 분들이 왜 여기에 왔느냐에 외롭게 떠 돈다는 기분으로 댓글은 썼다는데엔 저도 전적으로 선배님의 의견에 동의합니다. 얼마전 저는 한 한국출신의사로 부터 왜 미국교회에 나가느냐? "성경도 한글성경을 읽어야 맛이 나는데 "라는 말을 들었습니다. 비슷한 질문이 아닌가 합니다. 왜 미국에 왔느냐는 방동문의 글은 무엇을 염두에 두었는지는 모르지만, 이곳의 댓글에서는 다분히 선배님의 질문-지적과 비슷한 감을 풍기는 것을 저도 느꼈습니다. 미국에 산다고 내가 태어난 곳을 싫어 함도 아니요, 미국에 산다고 외로운 것도 아니며, 영어권 교회에 나감이 내가 잘나서 그런 것이 아닐 터, 또 한국어교회에 나가야만 참다운 믿음인이 아닌 것을 왜 어떤 분들은 그렇게 믿고 말들을 할까요?
하여튼 방동문의 글이 여러 다른 생각을 접하게 해 주어 흥미롭습니다.

P.S. 선배님, 이번 의대동창회에서 이건일 동문이 회장이 되었습니다. 한기현선배님께서 선배님을 miss한다고 하시던데요.저도 miss했구요.

우리의 먼 과거 한때에 "일찍 고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게 날아다니는..." 신세가 있었던것은 사실이지요.
본인이 위에서 말했듯이, 이제 이건 지나간 일입니다.
우리는 모든것을 극복하고 이제는 오늘날 勝子로 살고있다는것을 잊으면 않됩니다.
우리가 우리의 아이들을 기를때에는 많은 동문들이 어려울때였지요.
따라서 흔히 우리는 아이들에게 "우리가 자랄때는 이러 이러 어려웠다"는 얘기(푸념)를 많이 했을것이지요.
우리의 hardship에 대한 푸념은 사실 아이들에게는 의미가 없는것이였고, 오히려 나쁜 영향을 주었을 가능이 많겠지요.
공자 맹자의 사회관습을 American born 아이들에게 뒤집어 쒸울려는 dumb 한 짓이였읍니다.

우리가 죽는날 이런 푸념들은 모두 우리와 함께 지하로 사라지기를 바랍니다.
우리 2세들에게 계승 시킬 필요가 없겠지요.

Dear 운영자 

Yes, you are darn right! No reason to impose our old culture to our children who no longer need/ belong to them since they will live here in the U.S. anyhow. Of course, they will learn Korean culture through the parents but I feel they should be reminded to identify themselves as American and NOT as Korean. Indeed, that was one of my strong objections to teach Korean language to my three daughters - of course they understand our Korean conversation reasonably well though they can't speak fluently-.

 

Learning Korean heritage is a different matter in my opinion and it is totally up to them and not us. But it is totally unfair to impose our standard of Korean background to them. Indeed, I still remember a tragic suicide incidence at Harvard undergraduate involved to young brilliant girl of Korean origin who was so stressed out to have failed to meet her parents expectation. After all it's their lives and not ours!

 

Nevertheless, if I should look back, I couldn't afford to have such luxury to think about '일찍 고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게 날아다니는', only to survive(?)! Indeed, the first 10 years in the U.S. was a sheer struggle to complete the residency through the pyramidal system and also the fellowship, etc till settled at Georgetown U. And then the life after the training wasn't also easy but rather worse, too damn busy to think about '고향 떠나 외롬게'.  

 

But embarrassingly, I felt so lonesome/isolated from the friends for the first time, when I went back to Seoul in 1994 to start my new venture at SamSung Medical Center. Indeed, it was too embarrassing to admit quite a while that I couldn't erase my peculiar feeling of lonesomeness, so separated/dissociated like an abandoned/deserted child, from the first day in Seoul till I come back home in Northern Virginia.

 

However, strangely that sort of anxiety was completely evaporated after I came back home, too shameful to tell. It has been so many years, almost half century, since I read Hermann Hesse's trilogy Demian and Siddhartha ( I couldn't recall much the third, Steppenwolf) in college days so that I vaguely recall a fascinating re-definition of the culture-bound concept of Heimat  but sadly the ideal of Heimat became a dream forever!  " Man hat nur Angst, wenn man mit sich selber nicht einig ist. (Demian)".

 

BB Lee '63

 

Dear my friend, Dr. 백효

I feel guilty I was not able to come to welcome two classmates due to overlapped schedule.

Yes, the meeting was over and the last guest from Seattle was sent off this afternoon.

 

It is always nice to have old friends in town to let them taste a variety of exotic as well as ethnic foods here in D.C. even New York cannot compete in these days. Indeed, I am happy to have convinced this UW surgeon, born and raised in Seattle, that Vidalia onion is as good if not better than Walla Walla onion through this visit- I learned while I visit to Seattle that raw Walla Walla onions, the king of onion, go with Turkish kebab or Ugur shashilik best, no heartburn even without Tums. Anyhow, I hope you all had a good time.  

Warm regards,

BB Lee-'63

P.S. You were a Lutheran, weren't you?   

BB 선배님;
그러고 보니 본인은 "고향에서 멀리 떠나 외롬게 날아다니는" 신세를 한번 격고 말었는데,
선배님께서는 두번 격으셨군요.
이게 웃어야 될 일인지 울어야 될 일인지 알수없군요.
Anyway, 그냥 웃으며 넘겨 버립시다.
Since we found the home at the end of the long trail.... ㅎ, ㅎ, ㅎ.

예, 이선배님, 저는 루터교인입니다. 특별히 어떤교회에 속하는 것 보담 이웃에 있는 기독교인데, 상당히 진보적입니다. 영어로 예배를 봄이 좀 부담서럽읍니다만 40년을 다니다 보니 괜찮습니다. 다만 같은 동포로 부터 눈총을(?) 받는 것이 부담입니다만.
곧 연락드리겠습다. 점심 사 드리지요. 신백효

Dear  운영자 

 

That is true! How sad! As you correctly pointed out I don't know whether I should '웃어야 될지 울어야 될지 ' after I went through such unique opportunity to identify where I am standing one more time through the last Korean mission.

 

If I were young, they might call such dilemma/confusion as an 'identity crisis'. But to me it is rather different issue of Heimat for my 'finale'! Let me tell you more about how I was literally freaked out soon after I went back to Seoul in 1994. I am sure Dr. 백효 would know whom I talk about but when we went back to Seoul in 1994, one leading member openly identified oneself as a genuine(?) Korean, no more expatriate despite so many years here in the U.S., simply saying 'I am back home to bury my bone!'.

 

Well, that is his business after all and I really couldn't care less, in Donald Trump's words, I don't give a damn. But the problem was he led/played the game in Korean way despite he went back with us as a leading member of the expatriate to show/introduce what American concept of medicine ought to be to our native(?) Korean colleagues. Yes, I belatedly figured out he made a clever move to let them know he belongs to them but not to us as odd half Korean expatriates group with crazy ideas. Of course they loved him as fully re-naturalized enough to fulfill his dream to bury his bone in his mother land. Happily ever after!

 

Sour grapes?  Hell, no, buddies! No way! It might sound stupid- indeed it is stupid in some way!- to many but the whole mission we aimed was to go back to Korea in 1994 to share what we learned from a new world with new concept per request by Prof. Han YongChul. Indeed, that was the ONLY reason why I changed my first commitment to Hyundai/Asan and refused to come with my closest ally(?), Dr. Hong ChangGi (my second daughter's god parents) to organize the surgery program as Prof. Lee MoonHo negotiated with Hyundai owner; when the Founder imposed his rule on my surgery staff selection, etc, I said to Dr. Min ByongChul 'hell with it'-. And instead, I joined to the new mission through SamSung a few years later per request by Prof. Han.

 

Hence, it was quite natural reaction for me to bluntly refuse to play the game as my partner did in typical Korean way- like "JOHEUN GAE JOHEUN GOUJIYO!" and got furious -; because, that naive thought/wishes to show my way cross their way was one of my motivations NOT to have come back to SNUH until ready, disappointing so many close colleagues/friends I have been missing dearly through the years.  So, when I started my new business, I drew the line clearly from the first day 'do my (American) way or get out from my way' like other old stubborn surgeons, and imposed traditional Hopkins surgery system from the outset, to precipitate up roaring protests among Korean colleagues.

So what I earned? Nothing but all the hates. Besides, I confirmed I couldn't belong there but here - of course that is what I opted after all!- with NO (?) further option. But, sadly I still search my spiritual Heimat to rest forever. Indeed, no matter how long and how much I claim to have assimilated to this new world, I still consider myself as a damn(?) foreigner with inerasable foreign background.

As  a matter of fact, I helplessly accepted when one of my beloved junior residents through the training, Frank Delmonico of MGH/Harvard introduced me over the dinner years ago in behalf of  American Society of Transplant Surgery, saying, 'BB is THE only damn foreigner David Hume ever accepted and also only damn foreigner ever survived through MCV training'. Indeed, I  didn't know whether I should '웃어야 될지 울어야 될지' I still remember. Yes, once foreigner, forever foreigner! Hard lesson!

  

Regards,

BB Lee-'63

 

P.S.  백효, we should write about Prof. Han along our half-baked(?) mission to Korea in the future with so many sagas no one except us knows! I am sure SamSung guys would go crazy but many  would love to hear.

 

Dear Dr. 조중행

 

I was thinking of you to respond to your letter in regard to your visit to Richmond to me and Dr. HM Lee but somehow couldn't find a right moment till today. But we had only three cases for the review this morning in my multidisciplinary clinic for vascular malformation so that I was able to get out from the office right after the lunch and decided to write you.

 

Since you mentioned about your visit to Richmond more than 4 decades ago, I am sure you will be interested to hear more about Prof. HyungMo Lee who passed away a few years ago. It was so painful for me to see such nice gentle but cool HM slowly faded away through the years since I came back home from Korea; never lose the smile, never raise the voice, never be impolite and of course never bully to the people, NOT like me. Indeed, many still compare HM as a gentle South Korean (actually from North Korea) with me as a crazy North Korean (I am 100% KyungSangDo though born in Seoul). Sadly I have no more excuse/chance to drive down to Richmond early in the morning to visit to HM who never spared his keen advices, often scolding my blunt behavior. No more!

 

I attended his memorial lecture last year- I missed his funeral due to my out of town trip to Argentina-, shortening my trip to Macon, Ga for Mercer Univ; met many old alumni including my three former roommates, etc. Naturally we talked a lot about what HM did for us. Indeed, HM is THE most influenced mentor to me among three through my career. Without his cool judgments/recommendation I would have not dared to drop out from SNU group to challenge for a new life here in the U.S. Further, I would have not thought about going back to Korea after almost three decade absence.

 

Indeed, I was one of a few heavily in debts to HM personally - Dr. HM got a special permission from Dr. David Hume to bring me to Richmond to start my fellowship at MCV as SNUH arranged through Dr. Min ByongChul- so that I would dare to say I owe to Prof. HM more than anyone else among the Koreans, either here in the U.S. or Korea. Hence, it is quite natural for me to express my feeling/gratitude through a maximum donation I could afford to the fundraise for HM Lee Fellowship I eagerly solicited through MCV Alumni Association.

 

But disappointingly, due to huge commitment for much more than a million dollars, I had to give up my strong initial intention to organize HM Lee Fellowship but had to settle less with HM Lee Lectureship which required less amount. Indeed, many shared my initial plan and responded to my solicitation handsomely, especially among Japanese colleagues who were also in debt to HM like me. However, sadly, not many among Koreans I know of, who also owed to HM- only one!- came forward to chip in to the fundraise. I am NOT talking about the money/amount; I am talking about the principle/integrity!

 

I was so embarrassed when the chairman of the department, then, Jim Neifeld (my senior student to rotate to my team when I was the chief resident at my alma mater/MCV) casually mentioned about such differences on the response between Korean and Japanese pupils of HM Lee. I was so bitter with their ignorance-intentional?- that two years ago I made a change on my tight schedule to detour(?) to Seoul from London on way home ONLY to express my bitterness to the leading members/founders of KSTS during their meeting they invited me, who all owed to HM with no exception through the years. Well, they were so embarrassed on my harsh barking and rushed to make an official proposal to their executive board for the donation to the Fund to save Korean disciples' faces.

 

Months later, I was asked how to do, loooooooooooong AFTER I decided to back down from my insistence and settle with the lectureship as Mrs. HM Lee wished. My integrity did not allow me to express as the way my beloved Donald Trump saying 'stick it to your axx' but gingerly replied 'thanks but no thanks' with no further phrase with 'too little, too late' to repair their disgraceful images to many. C'est la vie?!            

 

Nevertheless, do you know how many guys not only SNU but other university grad in Korea did come to Richmond to owe to HM in many ways through these many years? I simply admire Japanese through my limited experiences with Japanese fellows through MCV and no longer call them WAENOM (since then, embarrassingly I started to call my Korean kin CHOSONNOM as my father called!).

Shamefully,

BB Lee-'63

선배님:
I am on the road last few days.
I promise I would write something on HM Lee, as I remember,
once I could settle down in front of my computer.