REGRETS OF THE DYING by Bronnie Ware at http://inspirationandchai.com For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Based on this article, Bronnie has now released a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. This inspiring book is available internationally through Hay House.
|
While I was cleaning my Internet Explorer's favorites list, I ran into this webpage
that I apparently had saved long time ago and then had forgotten.
I wondered why I had saved it. Usually, when I see something worthwhile to upload
in my website, I save it first to review it later when I have more time.
This article must have been one of those.
I just imagined myself to be dying on a terminal illness (attention: I said I imagined !!).
And then I went through the five things people regret in such situation.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.
Generaly, I wanted to live true to myself but frequently it simply was not possible
for one reason or another.
I had to cheat myself occasionally.
It wasn't the lack of my courage but it was because of necessity.
I have no regrets in that I occasionally failed to live true to myself.
I have been living a lot, feeling that others might expect me to live in a certain way.
I felt a lot of pressure on it but it really didn't bother me because things worked out
accordingly most of the time. I have no regrets in that I lived to the expectation of others.
Actually, It was an honor for me to have been given such a duty
and to have lived within the specification of such expectation.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
I don't know why people regret that they worked so hard.All my life, I have worked really hard and I am very proud that I did.
I would really regret if I had not worked hard enough.
Even these days, I work so hard every day (even though I am not making any money).
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
I do express my feeling very loud and well, sometimes probably too much.
My guess is that a lot of people may think that I am an arrogant person.
This is one of my weakness in my social skill. If I had lost a few friends over that,
it might have been my fault and obviously it was too bad.
But I do not regret. What happened was what happened.
If it didn't happen then, it might happen later anyway.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I have a few regrets on this one, especially the friends back in Korea.
This happened especially when I heard a news of someone's passing over there.
But being where I am, I wonder what I could have done for them or vice versa.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
To me, being miserable or unhappy is a part of life.
At times I abused myself in a difficult task but I did it gladly and I was not unhappy.
Very luckily, I have not suffered any major tragedies in and around myself or my family.
Except some minor transient troubles, I stayed generally happy.
I do not want to be any more happier than what I am. I am happy enough.
* * * * * * * *
However, I do not know what my regrets would be when I finally get a death sentence.
Then, I wish I could say that "Oh, God, why have you waited so long to take me to your side.
I have been waiting for your call, all these years."