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General Senior Citizen Jokes
2005.06.26 17:24
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it." He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." "Well then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" "Because she can still drive!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me such beautiful flowers! Then, he took me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took me out for dinner, and such a marvelous dinner it was - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after dinner drinks. Then we went to see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then, we came back to my apartment and he turned into an ANIMAL! Completely crazy, he tore off my expensive new dress, and had his way with me two times!" Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So, are you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "No, no, no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "arthritis." |
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