General Senior Citizen Jokes

2005.06.26 17:24

YonnieC Views:6269

A couple in  their nineties are both having problems remembering things.  They decide to  go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically  okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them  remember.  Later that  night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.  His wife asks,  "Where are you going?"

"To the  kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get  me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you  think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she  asks.
"No, I can  remember it."
"Well, I'd like  some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can  remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with  strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!"  she retorts.
Irritated, he  says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!  Leave me alone!  Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"  Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20  minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at  the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not  really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't  know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dorothy and  Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That  nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well,  I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like  such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me such beautiful flowers!  Then, he took me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car,  a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took me out for dinner, and  such a marvelous dinner it was - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after dinner  drinks. Then we went to see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy,  I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then, we came  back to my apartment and he turned into an ANIMAL!  Completely crazy, he  tore off my expensive new dress, and had his way with me two  times!"

Dorothy:  "Goodness gracious! So, are you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no,  no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says,  "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says,  "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really,"  answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve  thirty."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morris, an 82  year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the  doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his  arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied,  "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said,  "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur.  Be careful.'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,  painfully up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he  replied, "arthritis."

I want to

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Comment 2

석주

2005.06.27 02:35

연이씨,

한바탕 폭소로 유쾌한 아침입니다.
Have a beautiful day !

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kyu hwang

2005.06.27 06:23

이렇게 푹푹 찌는 여름날 에는
역시
한바탕 활짝 웃는것이 건강에도
좋은법.

두분(석주님 과 연이씨)께 감사드립니다. 규정

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General Senior Citizen Jokes

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석주

kyu hwang