May 2011
May is designated as the Family Month by Koreans as we celebrate many important days, such as Children’s Day (May 5), Parents’ Day (May 8), Adoption Day (May 11), Becoming Adults Day (May 16), and Couples’ Day (May 21). My own family has been the center of my “retirement without retiring.” I’m blessed to have been able to live with my wife for 49 years and to work closely with and for her, though I’ve learned that my wife worked for me far more than I did for her during our pre-retirement years. I haven’t started to take a cooking class yet, but I love to cook some exotic dishes to help relieve my wife’s daily chore. I’m also willing to wash dishes, clean the house, and wash clothes.
I grew up in a family with grandparents, parents, four brothers, and three sisters under one roof. It’s nostalgic for me to look back on the old days amid a very big family, while my wife and I are now living in a so-called empty nest. Our children and grandchildren live in three different countries faraway from our home, and we miss them very much. We like to see how our children are doing in their professional careers and to watch grandchildren grow up—it all seems to happen so fast.
I recently heard some complaints from our neighbors, whose adult children brought their own children to stay with Grandma and Grandpa while they went on a skiing trip. However, those same neighbors must secretly enjoy it, since they watch the grandkids again and again.
I watched my grandfather become an absolute dictator, and my own father became the same after his father’s death. In some ways, I played a similar role—though without any real authority—when we moved to the Sates. Our three children were quite young then, but they never hesitated to protest my attempts at tyranny, but my wife always sided with me, something I’ve always been grateful for. Our three children still vividly recall many incidents they didn’t understand then—and some they still don’t understand even now.
Our children were smarter than I was and chose their professional fields over my strong protests. We were delighted to find our first child interested in architecture and were happy when she completed her rigid five-year educational pogrom. However, she wouldn’t listen to my wish for her to find a Korean husband—and now she and her family are doing very well in spite of my protestations.
We though our second child had listened to us—but only one year into his pre-med program, he switched to political science and became a corporate lawyer. He’s now doing just as well with his family in Hong Kong.
Our youngest child chose Yale over my preference for Harvard and chose European literature as his field, even though I had pressed him to study engineering or economics. He is now a professor.
As I look back, I must reluctantly admit that the next generation of my own family seemed to know what they were doing, so I suppose the following generation will also do things that are beyond our imagination—and I wish them all the best. Those were yesterday... and now...
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that I may be running for the Third Mutual Board, the governing board of this 6,000-family community. There is another board, United Mutual, for 6,000 co-op units in this retirement village. The Third Mutual Board for condominiums consists of eleven members, and four seats will be replaced in an annual election in early October. I was told three incumbents would be running again.
I was persuaded to run by the leaders of the Korean and Chinese clubs in this village. However, it takes about 1,500 votes, while membership of these two clubs is only about 600, so I’ll need some support from other organizations. I’m known by villagers for my newspaper columns and a television show about my books. I’ve also served as treasurer for the men’s golf club for two years. My academic background and journalism experience has impressed some members of the board and other political leaders of this community. My background and experience should help enhance the not-so-good image of a community beset with lawsuits and accusations of wrongdoing by the management company.
Something else that comes up to my mind...
A binge drinker always claims he’s never had enough, even when he’s taken home by his friends. You’ve probably heard that it costs about 100 big ones if you get caught drunk driving in California.
I belong to a club that always bets for drinks, but I’ve gotten smarter at finding solutions to avoid disaster—it’s mixing ice with Soju. I’ve also found perfect mixes in inexpensive wine and yogurt, and plain water and expensive Scotch whiskey. I never get drunk with these drinks. I have conflicting scientific research that seems to indicate that any alcoholic beverage is bad for your health, yet two glasses of red wine a day is actually beneficial for your heart. I never get enough with two drinks, but I’ve never been caught. So go ahead. Enjoy your lifestyle with Soju, wine, and whiskey—but I’m warning you: don’t get caught!
Won H. Chang
changw@missouri.edu
www.whchang.pe.kr |
Professor Chang, thank you for your sharing your thoughts.
When my children were about to go to the college,
I had the exactly same idea like you.
I am sure that I and you are not the only fathers who had the similar idea.
But I kept my mouth shut and let my children decide their own future.
It wouldn't have made any difference anyway.
In my family, the way I see it,
my father was a better father than my grandfather,
and I probably was a better father than my father,
and my son is much better father than me.
So, we (the fathers in my family) are getting better as time goes by.
Whenever I see my son taking care of his children with fatherly love and care,
I feel happy and relieved that the bad time is almost completely over.
The darn Confuscian tradition and doctrine will be completely gone when I die.
I will pack them all and take it to the ground with me forever.
I do not want to leave any trace of it to my children's generation.
After all, I am glad that I and my children live in America.
The fathers here have had a faster and better evolution than the ones in Korea.