Most of us do try to live the way Henri Nouwen preaches here,

so has Zen Buddhist teaching for centuries.

But it is hard, especially for old retirees like us to practice that attitude.

In spite of that and in spite of the blatant fact that over 90% of what we do daily

is the repeat of yesterday such as doing dishes, making beds, doing grocery shopping, etc,

I am convinced that what Henri preaches here is the right, healthy attitude until

the day of eventuality so that we can be like some of my old patients who showed

the radiant smile to the family, doctors, and nurses during their final moments.

Those rare, few patients I witnessed gave me an unforgettable impression to this day.

I once, some 30 years ago, wrote a poem in memory of one of such patients, which I present in the below.

The Last Day of Frances

Silence, overwhelming; mid-afternoon, bright and sunny;

Autumn in Michigan;

Colors, reflections; falling leaves, motions;

Peace and serenity, permeating and filling,

The blue sky, the universe, 

Each cell of my body and my soul.

A visit with Frances,

dying, waiting, for months in a hospital room.

Silence overwhelming; elderly blind mother, weeping;

Grownup children, standing in the corner, sobbing;

Husband, ever trying to find a comforting word;

The uncontrollable motions and twitchings of the cachectic body;

the uncontrollable, neverending waves of emotion;

Each moment, an eternity, filled with thousands of memories;

The panorama of life unfolding at the speed of light.

Suddenly her face lights up, then the mystic smile,

then the peace and serenity,

O, then the color, the glow and the warmth of love

Quickly fills up and brightens up the dreary hospital room

Outshining the brightest color of Michigan autumn.

My heart then knew what she had already known

Today is the last day after years of gallant fight.

This patient, Frances, is one of the handful patients who taught me a great deal about

life and attitude towards life. She suffered a great deal, starting with rheumatoid arthritis,

then massive MI, CHF, finally massive liver necrosis. She died in her 70's.

Through it all, she always maintained a good attitude, always appreciative of what I was doing

as her treating physician. Her husband also had CABG while she was having all these sicknesses.

I vividly remember the day she died, which was one of most beautiful Michigan autumn days

with beautiful colors everywhere, clear blue sky, etc.

After she died on that day, which was Sunday, I felt compelled to write some words

in memory of her after got home.