2013.03.15 04:24
Role Reversal: When Kids Are The Grown-Ups Kathryn E. Livingston, Author "All about Motherhood" I'll never forget the day I dropped my middle son off at college. He was my "easy" child, and I was having a really tough time as he'd decided to go to a university six hours from home (my other two boys attended nearby colleges so the separation wasn't quite as dramatic). As I stood sobbing at the car in the parking garage after we'd unloaded his belongings and attended all the first-day-at-college/separation events, Sam pulled a Lifesaver out of his pocket. "Want a candy?" he asked, giving me a big, rib-crackling hug. "Whoa!" I thought to myself, tearfully accepting his offering. Total role reversal. Isn't offering a treat and a hug supposed to go the other way around? In addition to the angst caused by the fact that my son was leaving home was this new twist: It was possibly the first time it seemed like he was the grown-up and I was the kid. Not long after, I was practicing my yoga handstand against the front door (the only free wall in my cluttered house) when my eldest son (who works in the computer world somewhere in Manhattan) happened by. "Stop that!" he admonished. "You might hurt yourself!" Hmm, those words had a familiar ring. It sounded like something I might have said when this same young man was a child diving headfirst down a slide or climbing a tree in the backyard.
There's probably a point in every parent's life when our kids start telling us how to behave. Suddenly, the children who were once so busy with their peers and activities, their job or their studies, look at us and realize we, the parents, are doing some mighty foolish things and they'd better warn us. In fact, I remember telling my own aging mom that she'd better stop drinking soda (which she loved) and eat more kale (which she detested). I probably made my mother's advancing years rather miserable with all my instructions and directions. Actually, I think I was a lot bossier with her in her old age than she ever was with me when I was a child. Be careful of the snow? Since when, I wondered, do my kids tell me to be careful? Not long after, I went to the mall with my youngest son, a college senior. He grabbed my elbow as we negotiated the parking lot and warned, "Watch out for cars!" Now, hey, let me be clear: I am not a doddering old woman. I am a pretty fit yogini who can do an inversion with aplomb. So why the heck, I wondered, are my boys treating me like an octogenarian (never mind that their grandmother on their father's side is an octogenarian who still does yoga, drives, works and travels)? At first, I was amused. Then baffled. Then, I guess, a little insulted. Until I thought back to my own mom and remembered that the reason I started bossing her around was just because I cared about her and fervently hoped that she would live forever. So I guess I should cut my kids a break. Okay, so they think I'm a little too old to be driving from New Jersey to North Carolina in one day, a little too old to be placing my hands on the floor and flipping my body up against the front door, a little too elderly to be packing a tent and heading to New Mexico on a yoga retreat. I'm happy that they care; actually, I'm quite touched. But it's payback time, and I don't intend to be any less naughty than they once were. |
2013.03.15 04:39
2013.03.15 06:22
2013.03.15 07:20
2013.03.15 07:49
She elaborated well regarding reversed roles when parents get old.
It happened to me number of years ago and it started somewhat awakward
and it got into more reality and used to it,which means 'sign of ages',I believe. KJ
2013.03.15 10:21
1. When I was 18 years old, I left home for Seoul. Those days we had
Tongilho - Express train leaving Jinju at 4 a.m., arriving at Seoul at 8
p.m. - 16 hours ride, longer than flight from NY to Seoul these days.
I told my parents not to come out to the train station. Because I knew
what they would do - Tears in their eyes, or sobbing. I told my hometown
sweetheart not to come out to bid Goodbye, either. But they came.
I don't remember whether my parents cried or not, but I clearly remember
my sweetheart was standing a little far from the flatform where I was going
to get on the train - just standing there alone. The train started to move and
that was the last time I saw her. I heard she got married a few years after
I left home.
2. I would say it was many years ago when I drove my daughter, Michelle
to her college. After we helped her luggages to her small cubicle-like room,
we left her college after we hugged each other and said Goodbye.
On the way down to NY through New England Highway, I heard sobbing
sound incessantly. It was my little one, Erica. Her sobbing made me sad
and I tried wipe off tears to see the road. Then, my son, Eric gave me neck
massage - like saying "Dad, are you all right?"
Yes, those two episodes happened long time ago, but I remember and shall
not be forgotten.
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Thinking back, it has come to me as well a long time ago.
We shall obey the nature's prescription and accept the fact gracefully.
Time goes on relentlessly like the flow of a river.
Go with the flow and let it take us to the next bends of the river.
Then, we shall move on happily crossing one of the thresholds of life into our old age.